The Quran: Just The Good Stuff Translation

Since my "Just the Good Stuff Translation" of the Bible was apparently something of a hit, I decided to go back and do the same thing with the Quran. As with The Bible (JGST), in my new translation of the Quran, I've removed every immoral teaching, implausibility, falsehood, etc, and kept only the good stuff. By using my new translation of the Quran, no Muslim will ever again have to tiptoe around verses like Surah 2:216 while explaining how Islam is a religion of peace and love.

Without further ado, I present for your reading enjoyment:
"The Quran: Just the Good Stuff Translation (JGST)"

Liver and Fava Beans: A Collection of Church Collapses

“Evil's just destructive? Then storms are evil, if it's that simple. And we have fire, and then there's hail. Underwriters lump it all under 'Acts of God'… I collect church collapses, recreationally. Did you see the recent one in Sicily? Marvelous! The facade fell on sixty-five grandmothers at a special mass. Was that evil? If so, who did it? If he's up there, he just loves it, Officer Starling. Typhoid and swans - it all comes from the same place.”
~ Hannibal Lecter, "The Silence of the Lambs", Chapter 3

Sunday Sermon: Where Does Morality Come From?

It is a common Christian argument that, if their deity does not exist, then there can be no morality. They argue that without an objective deity to give objective morality, then all of morality is just a collection of human opinions, and no one opinion is better than any other. I will go so far as to grant that this is a common argument for good reason, as it is a difficult argument to refute, as it is very difficult (if not impossible) to explain exactly when, where, and why a concept of morality and ethics first emerged. However, while we may not know the specifics of the origins of moral and ethical thinking, it can be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that morality cannot be explained if Yhwh exists.

Sunday Sermon: "Christian Circumcision" or "Jesus Hates Genital Mutilation"

There is an alarming trend in the U.S. that I think should not go unnoticed in my writings. As of my writing this, the best data available states that 79% of all males in the U.S. are circumcised. Further - although the rate of circumcision is decreasing - 55.9% of male newborns in the U.S. are circumcised each year as of 2008. Based on the assumption that 79% of males are circumcised, and the 2010 census, we can estimate that there are approximately 119,907,247 circumcised males in the U.S. at this very moment.

Multiple Independent Plagiarists: John, A Jesus for the Long-Haul

Welcome to Part 4 of my series "Multiple Independent Plagiarists" (if you want to start from Part 1, you can find it here).

As we established in Parts 1-3, Mark's gospel was far from being an eyewitness account of remembered history. It was in fact, a fictional drama set in a pseudo-historical landscape, by a Greek author who had probably never set foot in the region. From there we determined that Matthew's gospel too was not an eyewitness account, but had simply taken Mark's drama, blatantly plagiarized from it, and attempted to historicize Mark's work, in an effort to create a new religion. Finally, Luke openly admitted to having copied from other sources (namely Mark and either from Matthew or an unknown source) supposedly in an effort to create a definitive account of the life of Jesus. Unfortunately for Luke, his Gospel is only as definitive as the fictional sources used to compile it.

Now that we have had a brief refresher, we can examine the the third canonical gospel to have been written - and see if he holds up as an eyewitness of Jesus.

Addendum to "Political Reform and Compulsory Voting"

If you haven't read "Political Reform and Compulsory Voting", please go back and read that post before continuing. I'll be using that post, to present a hypothetical situation, that just sort of came to me. I'm not sure if it's a good plan or not, I just came up with it about three minutes ago, so we can work through this situation together. It will be a bonding experience.

Multiple Independent Plagiarists: Luke, the Compiler

Welcome to Part 3 of my series "Multiple Independent Plagiarists" (if you want to start from Part 1, you can find it here).

As we established in Parts 1 and 2, Mark's gospel was far from being an eyewitness account of remembered history. It was in fact, a fictional drama set in a pseudo-historical landscape, by a Greek author who had probably never set foot in the region. From there we determined that Matthew's gospel too was not an eyewitness account, but had simply taken Mark's drama, blatantly plagiarized from it, and attempted to historicize Mark's work, in an effort to create a new religion (If Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard could do it in a world that was primarily literate, then just about anybody could do it in a time where access to information and fact-checking was sparse and - depending on your region - literacy rates were anywhere from 3-20%).

Now that we have that brief refresher, let's take a look at Luke - the third canonical gospel to have been written - and see if he holds up as an eyewitness of Jesus.