The Quran: Just The Good Stuff Translation

Since my "Just the Good Stuff Translation" of the Bible was apparently something of a hit, I decided to go back and do the same thing with the Quran. As with The Bible (JGST), in my new translation of the Quran, I've removed every immoral teaching, implausibility, falsehood, etc, and kept only the good stuff. By using my new translation of the Quran, no Muslim will ever again have to tiptoe around verses like Surah 2:216 while explaining how Islam is a religion of peace and love.

Without further ado, I present for your reading enjoyment:
"The Quran: Just the Good Stuff Translation (JGST)"

Liver and Fava Beans: A Collection of Church Collapses

“Evil's just destructive? Then storms are evil, if it's that simple. And we have fire, and then there's hail. Underwriters lump it all under 'Acts of God'… I collect church collapses, recreationally. Did you see the recent one in Sicily? Marvelous! The facade fell on sixty-five grandmothers at a special mass. Was that evil? If so, who did it? If he's up there, he just loves it, Officer Starling. Typhoid and swans - it all comes from the same place.”
~ Hannibal Lecter, "The Silence of the Lambs", Chapter 3

Sunday Sermon: Where Does Morality Come From?

It is a common Christian argument that, if their deity does not exist, then there can be no morality. They argue that without an objective deity to give objective morality, then all of morality is just a collection of human opinions, and no one opinion is better than any other. I will go so far as to grant that this is a common argument for good reason, as it is a difficult argument to refute, as it is very difficult (if not impossible) to explain exactly when, where, and why a concept of morality and ethics first emerged. However, while we may not know the specifics of the origins of moral and ethical thinking, it can be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that morality cannot be explained if Yhwh exists.