So, in the spirit of fair play, I've decided to redact the Bible in advance. In my new translation, I've removed every immoral teaching, implausibility, falsehood, etc, and kept only the good stuff. By using my new translation of the Bible, no Christian will ever again have to be embarrassed by the content of the Bible, undertake embarrassing mental gymnastics to explain how it "isn't really that bad", or have to explain how they're a Christian who "doesn't really believe in that verse".
(Text in brackets will be my own alterations to the text. And since "distortion" has such a negative connotation... let's just call it "artistic license".)
Exodus 20
12 “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you. [This will not have any measurable effect on the length of your life, but it's advisable insofar as your parents are not abusive.] 13 You must not murder. 14 You must not commit adultery. 15 You must not steal. 16 You must not testify falsely against your neighbor. 17 You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor. [Also, other people are not your property, and must not be treated as your property.]”
Remember, you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt. [Even though the whole "slaves in Egypt"story is a myth, you should still learn from it and not oppress other people]. 22 You must not exploit a widow or an orphan.
Exodus 22
21 “You must not mistreat or oppress foreigners in any way. 25 “If you lend money to any of my people who are in need, do not charge interest as a money lender would. 26 If you take your neighbor’s cloak as security for a loan, you must return it before sunset. 27 This coat may be the only blanket your neighbor has. How can a person sleep without it?
Exodus 23
1 “You must not pass along false rumors. You must not cooperate with evil people by lying on the witness stand. 2 You must not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you are called to testify in a dispute, do not be swayed by the crowd to twist justice.4 “If you come upon your enemy’s ox or donkey that has strayed away, take it back to its owner. 5 If you see that the donkey of someone who hates you has collapsed under its load, do not walk by. Instead, stop and help. 6 In a lawsuit, you must not deny justice to the poor.
7 "Be sure never to charge anyone falsely with evil. Never sentence an innocent or blameless person to death, for I never declare a guilty person to be innocent. 8 “Take no bribes, for a bribe makes you ignore something that you clearly see. A bribe makes even a righteous person twist the truth.
9 “You must not oppress foreigners.You know what it’s like to be a foreigner, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt [Even though the whole "slaves in Egypt"story is a myth, you should still learn from it and not oppress other people].
10 “Plant and harvest your crops for six years, 11 but let the land be renewed and lie uncultivated during the seventh year. Then let the poor among you harvest whatever grows on its own. Leave the rest for wild animals to eat. The same applies to your vineyards and olive groves.
9 “You must not oppress foreigners.
10 “Plant and harvest your crops for six years, 11 but let the land be renewed and lie uncultivated during the seventh year. Then let the poor among you harvest whatever grows on its own. Leave the rest for wild animals to eat. The same applies to your vineyards and olive groves.
Leviticus 6
2 “Suppose one of you sins against your associate and is unfaithful to the Lord. Suppose you cheat in a deal involving a security deposit, or you steal or commit fraud, 3 or you find lost property and lie about it, or you lie while swearing to tell the truth, or you commit any other such sin. 4 If you have sinned in any of these ways, you are guilty. You must give back whatever you stole, or the money you took by extortion, or the security deposit, or the lost property you found, 5 or anything obtained by swearing falsely. You must make restitution by paying the full price plus an additional twenty percent to the person you have harmed. On the same day you must present a guilt offering.
violate your father by having [have] sexual relations with your mother. She is your mother; you must not have sexual relations with her.
9 “Do not have sexual relations with your sister or half sister, whether she is your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born into your household or someone else’s. 10 Do not have sexual relations with your granddaughter, whether she is your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter, for this would violate yourself. 11 “Do not have sexual relations with your stepsister,the daughter of any of your father’s wives, for she is your sister. 12 “Do not have sexual relations with your father’s sister, for she is your father’s close relative. 13 “Do not have sexual relations with your mother’s sister, for she is your mother’s close relative.
20 “Do not defile yourself by having sexual intercourse with your neighbor’s wife [unless they're ok with this]. 21 “Do not permit any of your children to be offered as a sacrifice to Molech, for you must not bring shame on the name of your God. I am the Lord."
Leviticus 18
6 “You must never have sexual relations with a close relative, for I am the Lord [and that may cause all sorts of genetic defects in the offspring]. 7 “Do not 9 “Do not have sexual relations with your sister or half sister, whether she is your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born into your household or someone else’s. 10 Do not have sexual relations with your granddaughter, whether she is your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter, for this would violate yourself. 11 “Do not have sexual relations with your stepsister,
20 “Do not defile yourself by having sexual intercourse with your neighbor’s wife [unless they're ok with this]. 21 “Do not permit any of your children to be offered as a sacrifice
Leviticus 19
9 “When you harvest the crops of your land, do not harvest the grain along the edges of your fields, and do not pick up what the harvesters drop. 10 It is the same with your grape crop—do not strip every last bunch of grapes from the vines, and do not pick up the grapes that fall to the ground. Leave them for the poor and the foreigners living among you. I am the Lord your God.
11 “Do not steal. Do not deceive or cheat one another. 13 “Do not defraud or rob your neighbor. Do not make your hired workers wait until the next day to receive their pay. 14 Do not insult the deaf or cause the blind to stumble.You must fear your God; I am the Lord. 15 “Do not twist justice in legal matters by favoring the poor or being partial to the rich and powerful. Always judge people fairly. 16 “Do not spread slanderous gossip among your people. Do not stand idly by when your neighbor’s life is threatened. I am the Lord.
17 “Do not nurse hatred in your heart for any of your relatives. Confront people directly so you will not be held guilty for their sin. 18 “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against a fellow Israelite [another person], but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.
29 “Do not defile your daughter by making her a prostitute, or the land will be filled with prostitution and wickedness. [Besides, your daughter is also a human being and should be treated with respect.] 31 Do not defile yourselves by turning to mediums or to those who consult the spirits of the dead. I am the Lord your God."
32 “Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged.Fear your God. I am the Lord.
33 “Do not take advantage of foreigners who live among you in your land. 34 Treat them like native-born Israelites, and love them as you love yourself.Remember that you were once foreigners living in the land of Egypt. I am the Lord your God. 35 “Do not use dishonest standards when measuring length, weight, or volume. 36 Your scales and weights must be accurate. Your containers for measuring dry materials or liquids must be accurate. I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt.
11 “Do not steal. Do not deceive or cheat one another. 13 “Do not defraud or rob your neighbor. Do not make your hired workers wait until the next day to receive their pay. 14 Do not insult the deaf or cause the blind to stumble.
17 “Do not nurse hatred in your heart for any of your relatives. Confront people directly
29 “Do not defile your daughter by making her a prostitute, or the land will be filled with prostitution and wickedness. [Besides, your daughter is also a human being and should be treated with respect.] 31 Do not defile yourselves by turning to mediums or to those who consult the spirits of the dead. I am the Lord your God."
32 “Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged.
33 “Do not take advantage of foreigners who live among you in your land. 34 Treat them like native-born Israelites, and love them as you love yourself.
Leviticus 23
22 “When you harvest the crops of your land, do not harvest the grain along the edges of your fields, and do not pick up what the harvesters drop. Leave it for the poor and the foreigners living among you. I am the Lord your God.”
Leviticus 25
14 “When you make an agreement with your neighbor to buy or sell property, you must not take advantage of each other.
35 “If one of your fellow Israelites falls into poverty and cannot support himself, support him as you would a foreigner or a temporary resident and allow him to live with you. 36 Do not charge interest or make a profit at his expense. Instead, show your fear of God by letting [let] him live with you as your relative. 37 Remember, do not charge interest on money you lend him or make a profit on food you sell him.
Deuteronomy 5
16 “Honor your father and mother,
Deuteronomy 15
7 “But if there are any poor Israelites in your towns when you arrive in the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard-hearted or tightfisted toward them. 8 Instead, be generous and lend them whatever they need.
Deuteronomy 16
19 You must never twist justice or show partiality. Never accept a bribe, for bribes blind the eyes of the wise and corrupt the decisions of the godly.
Deuteronomy 22
1 “If you see your neighbor’s ox or sheep or goat wandering away, don’t ignore your responsibility. Take it back to its owner. 2 If its owner does not live nearby or you don’t know who the owner is, take it to your place and keep it until the owner comes looking for it. Then you must return it. 3 Do the same if you find your neighbor’s donkey, clothing, or anything else your neighbor loses. Don’t ignore your responsibility. 4 If you see that your neighbor’s donkey or ox has collapsed on the road, do not look the other way. Go and help your neighbor get it back on its feet!"
Deuteronomy 23
15 “If slaves should escape from their masters and take refuge with you, you must not hand them over to their masters. 16 Let them live among you in any town they choose, and do not oppress them."
Deuteronomy 24
14 “Never take advantage of poor and destitute laborers, whether they are fellow Israelites or foreigners living in your towns. 15 You must pay them their wages each day before sunset because they are poor and are counting on it.If you don’t, they might cry out to the Lord against you, and it would be counted against you as sin.
16 “Parents must not be put to death for the sins of their children, nor children for the sins of their parents. Those deserving to die must be put to death for their own crimes.
17 “True justice must be given to foreigners living among you and to orphans, and you must never accept a widow’s garment as security for her debt.
19 “When you are harvesting your crops and forget to bring in a bundle of grain from your field, don’t go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. Then the Lord your God will bless you in all you do. 20 When you beat the olives from your olive trees, don’t go over the boughs twice. Leave the remaining olives for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. 21 When you gather the grapes in your vineyard, don’t glean the vines after they are picked. Leave the remaining grapes for the foreigners, orphans, and widows."
14 “Never take advantage of poor and destitute laborers, whether they are fellow Israelites or foreigners living in your towns. 15 You must pay them their wages each day before sunset because they are poor and are counting on it.
16 “Parents must not be put to death for the sins of their children, nor children for the sins of their parents. Those deserving to die must be put to death for their own crimes.
17 “True justice must be given to foreigners living among you and to orphans, and you must never accept a widow’s garment as security for her debt.
19 “When you are harvesting your crops and forget to bring in a bundle of grain from your field, don’t go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. Then the Lord your God will bless you in all you do. 20 When you beat the olives from your olive trees, don’t go over the boughs twice. Leave the remaining olives for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. 21 When you gather the grapes in your vineyard, don’t glean the vines after they are picked. Leave the remaining grapes for the foreigners, orphans, and widows."
Deuteronomy 25
13 “You must use accurate scales when you weigh out merchandise, 14 and you must use full and honest measures."
Deuteronomy 26
12 “Every third year you must offer a special tithe of your crops. In this year of the special tithe you must give your tithes to the Levites, foreigners, orphans, and widows, so that they will have enough to eat in your towns."
And all the people will reply, ‘Amen.’ 19 ‘Cursed is anyone who denies justice to foreigners, orphans, or widows.’ And all the people will reply, ‘Amen.’ 24 ‘Cursed is anyone who attacks a neighbor in secret.’ And all the people will reply, ‘Amen.’ 25 ‘Cursed is anyone who accepts payment to kill an innocent person.’ And all the people will reply, ‘Amen.’
Psalms 34
13 Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! 14 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
Psalms 37
21 The wicked borrow and never repay, but the godly are generous givers.
Psalms 82
3 “Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. 4 Rescue the poor and helpless; deliver them from the grasp of evil people."
Proverbs 2
2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. 11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe. 12 Wisdom will save you from evil people, from those whose words are twisted.
Proverbs 3
3 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.
13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. 16 She offers you long life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left. 17 She will guide you down delightful paths; all her ways are satisfying. 18 Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly.
27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. 28 If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, “Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.” 29 Don’t plot harm against your neighbor, for those who live nearby trust you. 30 Don’t pick a fight without reason, when no one has done you harm. 31 Don’t envy violent people or copy their ways.
Proverbs 4
6 Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. 7 Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.
14 Don’t do as the wicked do, and don’t follow the path of evildoers. 15 Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving. 24 Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.
Proverbs 10
12 Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses. 14 Wise people treasure knowledge, but the babbling of a fool invites disaster. 18 Hiding hatred makes you a liar; slandering others makes you a fool.
Proverbs 11
Proverbs 13
20 Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.
Proverbs 14
15 Only simpletons believe everything they’re told! The prudent carefully consider their steps. 16 The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.
Ecclesiastes 1
Deuteronomy 27
18 ‘Cursed is anyone who leads a blind person astray on the road.’ Psalms 34
13 Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! 14 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
Psalms 37
21 The wicked borrow and never repay, but the godly are generous givers.
Psalms 82
3 “Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. 4 Rescue the poor and helpless; deliver them from the grasp of evil people."
Psalms 120
6 I am tired of living among people who hate peace. 7 I search for peace; but when I speak of peace, they want war!
2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. 11 Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe. 12 Wisdom will save you from evil people, from those whose words are twisted.
Proverbs 3
3 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.
13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. 16 She offers you long life in her right hand, and riches and honor in her left. 17 She will guide you down delightful paths; all her ways are satisfying. 18 Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her; happy are those who hold her tightly.
27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them. 28 If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, “Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.” 29 Don’t plot harm against your neighbor, for those who live nearby trust you. 30 Don’t pick a fight without reason, when no one has done you harm. 31 Don’t envy violent people or copy their ways.
Proverbs 4
6 Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. 7 Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.
14 Don’t do as the wicked do, and don’t follow the path of evildoers. 15 Don’t even think about it; don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving. 24 Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech.
Proverbs 10
12 Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses. 14 Wise people treasure knowledge, but the babbling of a fool invites disaster. 18 Hiding hatred makes you a liar; slandering others makes you a fool.
Proverbs 11
2 Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. 12 It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet. 13 A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. 14 Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.
Proverbs 12
1 To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction. 10 The godly care for their animals, but the wicked are always cruel. 15 Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. 16 A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. 19 Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed. 25 Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.20 Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.
Proverbs 14
15 Only simpletons believe everything they’re told! The prudent carefully consider their steps. 16 The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.
Proverbs 15
17 A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.
31 If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. 32 If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.
Proverbs 17
27 A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered. 28 Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.Ecclesiastes 1
17 So I set out to learn everything from wisdom to madness and folly. But I learned firsthand that pursuing all this is like chasing the wind. 18 The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. 8 A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
Isaiah 5
Ecclesiastes 3
1 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. 3 A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. 4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. 5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away.6 A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. 8 A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
19 For people and animals share the same fate—both breathe and both must die. So people have no real advantage over the animals. 20 Both go to the same place—they came from dust and they return to dust. 21 For who can prove that the human spirit goes up and the spirit of animals goes down into the earth? 22 So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is our lot in life. And no one can bring us back to see what happens after we die.
Ecclesiastes 5
5 It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it.
Isaiah 1
17 Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.
Isaiah 2
4 The Lord will mediate between nations and will settle international disputes. They will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will no longer fight against nation, nor train for war anymore.
20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. 21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight. 22 What sorrow for those who are heroes at drinking wine and boast about all the alcohol they can hold.
Isaiah 10
1 Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, 2 to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless.
Isaiah 32
5 No longer will the fool be called noble nor the scoundrel be highly respected.
Isaiah 58
6 “No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. 7 Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help. 10 Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
Jeremiah 22
3 This is what the Lord says: Be fair-minded and just. Do what is right! Help those who have been robbed; rescue them from their oppressors. Quit your evil deeds! Do not mistreat foreigners, orphans, and widows. Stop murdering the innocent! 13 “Woe to him who builds his palace by unrighteousness, his upper rooms by injustice, making his own people work for nothing, not paying them for their labor.
Ezekiel 45
9 “For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: Enough, you princes of Israel! Stop your violence and oppression and do what is just and right. Quit robbing and cheating my people out of their land. Stop expelling them from their homes, says the Sovereign Lord. 10 Use only honest weights and scales and honest measures, both dry and liquid.
Isaiah 10
1 Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, 2 to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless.
Isaiah 32
5 No longer will the fool be called noble nor the scoundrel be highly respected.
Isaiah 58
6 “No, this is the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people. 7 Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help. 10 Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
Jeremiah 22
3 This is what the Lord says: Be fair-minded and just. Do what is right! Help those who have been robbed; rescue them from their oppressors. Quit your evil deeds! Do not mistreat foreigners, orphans, and widows. Stop murdering the innocent! 13 “Woe to him who builds his palace by unrighteousness, his upper rooms by injustice, making his own people work for nothing, not paying them for their labor.
Ezekiel 45
9 “For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: Enough, you princes of Israel! Stop your violence and oppression and do what is just and right. Quit robbing and cheating my people out of their land. Stop expelling them from their homes, says the Sovereign Lord. 10 Use only honest weights and scales and honest measures, both dry and liquid.
Hosea 6
6 For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.
Amos 5
15 Hate evil and love what is good; turn your courts into true halls of justice. Perhaps even yet the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will have mercy on the remnant of his people.
6 For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.
Amos 5
15 Hate evil and love what is good; turn your courts into true halls of justice. Perhaps even yet the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will have mercy on the remnant of his people.
Micah 4
3 The Lord will mediate between peoples and will settle disputes between strong nations far away. They will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will no longer fight against nation, nor train for war anymore. 4 Everyone will live in peace and prosperity, enjoying their own grapevines and fig trees, for there will be nothing to fear.
Micah 6
8 No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.
Zechariah 8
16 But this is what you must do: Tell the truth to each other. Render verdicts in your courts that are just and that lead to peace. 17 Don’t scheme against each other. Stop your love of telling lies that you swear are the truth. I hate all these things, says the Lord.”
44 But I say, love your enemies! Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you Pray for those who persecute you!
5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private.Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you [Even though your prayers will have no effect on the outcome of a given situation]."
Matthew 5
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 6
1 “Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. 2 When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. 3 But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing."5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private.
Matthew 7
1 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. 3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. 12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
Matthew 18
21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!
Matthew 19
16 Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”17 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
18 “Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Matthew 25
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
Matthew 26
52 “Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.
Mark 10
17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”
Luke 3
10 The crowds asked, “What should we do?” 11 John [the baptist] replied, “If you have two shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry.” 14 Then some soldiers asked him, “And what should we do?” He replied, “Don’t extort money and don’t accuse people falsely—be content with your pay.”
Luke 6
27 “To you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. 31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you. 35 Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. 37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Luke 10
25 One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?” 26 Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?” 27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”28 “Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!” 29 The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road. 31 “By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. 32 A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side. 33 “Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. 34 Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. 35 The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’
36 “Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked. 37 The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.” Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”
John 8
3 As [Jesus] was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd. 4 “Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” 7 They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” 9 When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. 10 Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” 11 “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”
John 13
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
John 15
17 This is my command: Love each other.
And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: "It is more blessed to give than to receive."
9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! 17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that tow the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. 20 Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.”
21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
Galatians 6
1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
4 Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. 5 For we are each responsible for our own conduct. 6 Those who are taught the word of God should provide for their teachers, sharing all good things with them. 9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. 10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.
28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Phillipians 4
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Acts 20
35
Romans 2
21 Well then, if you teach others, why don’t you teach yourself? You tell others not to steal, but do you steal? 22 You say it is wrong to commit adultery, but do you commit adultery? You condemn idolatry, but do you use items stolen from pagan temples? 23 You are so proud of knowing the law, but you dishonor God by breaking it.
Romans 12
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all! 17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that tow the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. 20 Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.”
21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
Romans 13
8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
1 Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.
Galatians 5
12 So then, what about troublemakers who try to get others to be circumcised? I wish they would go the whole way! I wish they would cut off everything that marks them as men!
14 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 22 The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.12 So then, what about troublemakers who try to get others to be circumcised? I wish they would go the whole way! I wish they would cut off everything that marks them as men!
1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
4 Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. 5 For we are each responsible for our own conduct. 6 Those who are taught the word of God should provide for their teachers, sharing all good things with them. 9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. 10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.
Ephesians 4
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. 26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.28 If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. 29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Phillipians 2
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
Colossians 3
9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.
9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.
12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.
1 Timothy 6
7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. 10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.2 Timothy 2
24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.
Titus 2
6 Similarly, encourage the young
Titus 3
14 Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order to provide for urgent needs and not live unproductive lives.
Hebrews 12
14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.
Hebrews 13
1 Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. 2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers,
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 2
2 Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3 If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4 have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5 Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 8 If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.
14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
5 Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 8 If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.
14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
James 3
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
1 Peter 1
22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.
1 Peter 2
1 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.
1 Peter 3
8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evilor insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing,because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. 11 They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.
1 Peter 4
8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9 Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
1 John 2
1 John 2
9 Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. 10 Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. 11 But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.
1 John 3
1 John 3
11 For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
1 John 4
1 John 4
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
3 John 1
3 John 1
11 Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.
Jude 1
2 Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance. 22 Be merciful to those who doubt;
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The Bible. Just the Good Stuff Translation. (K) 2014, All Rights Reversed.
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Now let's go back and look at this again. We started out with a complete Bible containing 66 books, in which there were 1,189 chapters, containing a total of 31,273 verses. From this, we have kept only 348 verses in total, from only 91 chapters, of only 34 books. That is less than 1.12% of the entire Bible. What's more, many of these verses repeat each other. Granted there were some instances (especially in Proverbs) where the same themes are said over and over again and I couldn't bear to repeat myself one more time (i.e. "wisdom is good", that's great, but unless you're going to bestow some wisdom, saying that it's good is fairly pointless), but every good thing that the Bible says has been stated at least once in the JGST.
Let me run this past you again: In the JGST I have stripped away more than 98.88% of the entire Bible, and still kept every good thing in the Bible. What should we say about a book that is 98.88% myth, horrendous immorality, or repetition of the good stuff found in the JGST, yet claims to be the 100% inerrant word of Yhwh? Perhaps the best explanation for this is also the simplest: The Bible reads like the primitive morality of desert-dwelling shepherds, because it really was written by primitive, desert-dwelling shepherds; and not by an all-wise and infallible deity.
Bearing all of this in mind, if you absolutely insist on being a Christian, give the JGST a shot. It will save you so much time, effort, and cognitive dissonance, if you just opt to only believe in the good stuff.
This has been your Sunday Sermon, go without god.
[Note: There are some instances, especially in Proverbs, where the same themes are said over and over again and I couldn't bear to repeat myself one more time. That said, if you find a verse that expresses a good thing that I haven't included, let me know. Seriously, there's over 31,000 of them, I'm bound to have missed one.]
Bearing all of this in mind, if you absolutely insist on being a Christian, give the JGST a shot. It will save you so much time, effort, and cognitive dissonance, if you just opt to only believe in the good stuff.
This has been your Sunday Sermon, go without god.
[Note: There are some instances, especially in Proverbs, where the same themes are said over and over again and I couldn't bear to repeat myself one more time. That said, if you find a verse that expresses a good thing that I haven't included, let me know. Seriously, there's over 31,000 of them, I'm bound to have missed one.]
Me being picky - With Exodus 20:17 you have just eliminated capitalism and competitive sport. I'm not convinced "coveting" is a problem
ReplyDeleteThat's a fair point. I was actually thinking about excising that verse entirely just because it is "thoughtcrime" to condemn someone for thoughts or emotions instead of actions. On the other hand, I think that there are a great many people who ought to learn to be content with what they have. So in some sense I suppose it's debatable whether that verse belongs.
DeleteThat said, I don't think that it actually eliminates competitive sports. Coveting typically implies that you want to increase your possessions, and I don't think that competing at basketball (for example) fits the definition. Also, I'm not convinced that eliminating capitalism is a problem.