Since my "Just the Good Stuff Translation" of the Bible was apparently something of a hit, I decided to go back and do the same thing with the Quran. As with The Bible (JGST), in my new translation of the Quran, I've removed every immoral teaching, implausibility, falsehood, etc, and kept only the good stuff. By using my new translation of the Quran, no Muslim will ever again have to tiptoe around verses like Surah 2:216 while explaining how Islam is a religion of peace and love.Without further ado, I present for your reading enjoyment:
"The Quran: Just the Good Stuff Translation (JGST)"
(Text in parentheses was inserted by the original translators of the text, to aid in clarity. As with the Bible (JGST), text in brackets or that has been struck through will be my own alterations to the text. And since "distortion" has such a negative connotation... let's just call it "artistic license".)
42 Confound not truth with falsehood, nor knowingly conceal the truth. 43 Establish worship, pay the poor-due
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110 Establish worship, and pay the poor-due; and whatever good you put forward for yourselves - you will find it with Allah. Indeed, Allah of what you do, is Seeing.
111 And they say, "None will enter Paradise except one who is a Jew or a Christian." That is (merely) their wishful thinking, Say, "Produce your proof, if you should be truthful." [Of course, Muslims should also be prepared to produce proof that they will enter Paradise, if they should be truthful.]
113 The Jews say "The Christians have nothing (true) to stand on," and the Christians say, "The Jews have nothing to stand on," although they (both) recite the Scripture. Thus the polytheists speak the same as their words. But Allah will judge between them on the Day of Resurrection concerning that over which they used to differ.
113 The Jews say "The Christians have nothing (true) to stand on," and the Christians say, "The Jews have nothing to stand on," although they (both) recite the Scripture. Thus the polytheists speak the same as their words. But Allah will judge between them on the Day of Resurrection concerning that over which they used to differ.
177 It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces to the East and the West; but righteous is he who believeth in Allah and the Last Day and the angels and the Scripture and the prophets; and giveth wealth, in spite of love for it, to relatives, orphans, the needy, the wayfarer and to those who ask, and to set slaves free; and observeth proper worship and payeth the poor-due. And those who keep their treaty when they make one, and the patient in tribulation and adversity and time of stress. Such are they who are sincere. Such are the God-fearing.
190 Fight in the way of Allah against those who fight against you, but begin not hostilities. Lo! Allah loveth not aggressors.
195 Spend your wealth for the cause of Allah, and be not cast by your own hands to ruin; and do good. Lo! Allah loveth the beneficent.
215 They ask you, (O Muhammad), what they should spend. Say, "Whatever you spend of good is [to be] for parents and relatives and orphans and the needy and the traveler. And whatever you do of good - indeed, Allah is Knowing of it."
220 Upon the world and the Hereafter. And they question thee concerning orphans. Say: To improve their lot is best. And if ye mingle your affairs with theirs, then (they are) your brothers. Allah knoweth him who spoileth from him who improveth. Had Allah willed He could have overburdened you. Allah is Mighty, Wise.
224 And make not Allah, by your oaths, a hindrance to your being righteous and observing your duty unto Him and making peace among mankind. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
256 There is no compulsion in religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error. And he who rejecteth false deities and believeth in Allah hath grasped a firm handhold which will never break. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
277 Lo! those who believe and do good works and establish worship and pay the poor-due, their reward is with their Lord and there shall no fear come upon them neither shall they grieve.
280 And if the debtor is in straitened circumstances, then (let there be) postponement to (the time of) ease; and that ye remit the debt as almsgiving would be better for you if ye did but know.
Surah 3
66 Here you are - those who have argued about that of which you have [some] knowledge, but why do you argue about that of which you have no knowledge? And Allah knows, while you know not.
190 Fight in the way of Allah against those who fight against you, but begin not hostilities. Lo! Allah loveth not aggressors.
195 Spend your wealth for the cause of Allah, and be not cast by your own hands to ruin; and do good. Lo! Allah loveth the beneficent.
215 They ask you, (O Muhammad), what they should spend. Say, "Whatever you spend of good is [to be] for parents and relatives and orphans and the needy and the traveler. And whatever you do of good - indeed, Allah is Knowing of it."
220 Upon the world and the Hereafter. And they question thee concerning orphans. Say: To improve their lot is best. And if ye mingle your affairs with theirs, then (they are) your brothers. Allah knoweth him who spoileth from him who improveth. Had Allah willed He could have overburdened you. Allah is Mighty, Wise.
224 And make not Allah, by your oaths, a hindrance to your being righteous and observing your duty unto Him and making peace among mankind. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
256 There is no compulsion in religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error. And he who rejecteth false deities and believeth in Allah hath grasped a firm handhold which will never break. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
277 Lo! those who believe and do good works and establish worship and pay the poor-due, their reward is with their Lord and there shall no fear come upon them neither shall they grieve.
280 And if the debtor is in straitened circumstances, then (let there be) postponement to (the time of) ease; and that ye remit the debt as almsgiving would be better for you if ye did but know.
Surah 3
66 Here you are - those who have argued about that of which you have [some] knowledge, but why do you argue about that of which you have no knowledge? And Allah knows, while you know not.
195 And their Lord responded to them, "Never will I allow to be lost the work of [any] worker among you, whether male or female; you are of one another. So those who emigrated or were evicted from their homes or were harmed in My cause or fought or were killed - I will surely remove from them their misdeeds, and I will surely admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow as reward from Allah , and Allah has with Him the best reward."
Surah 4
2 Give unto orphans their wealth. Exchange not the good for the bad (in your management thereof) nor absorb their wealth into your own wealth. Lo! that would be a great sin.
10 Lo! Those who devour the wealth of orphans wrongfully, they do but swallow fire into their bellies, and they will be exposed to burning flame.
29 O ye who believe! Squander not your wealth among yourselves in vanity, except it be a trade by mutual consent, and kill not one another. Lo! Allah is ever Merciful unto you.
36 And serve Allah. Ascribe no thing as partner unto Him. (Show) kindness unto parents, and unto near kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and unto the neighbour who is of kin (unto you) and the neighbour who is not of kin, and the fellow-traveller and the wayfarer and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess. Lo! Allah loveth not such as are proud and boastful,
85 Whoever intercedes for a good cause will have a reward therefrom; and whoever intercedes for an evil cause will have a burden therefrom. And ever is Allah , over all things, a Keeper. 86 And when you are greeted with a greeting, greet (in return) with one better than it or (at least) return it (in a like manner). Indeed, Allah is ever, over all things, an Accountant.
114 There is no good in much of their secret conferences save (in) him who enjoineth almsgiving and kindness and peace-making among the people. Whoso doeth that, seeking the good pleasure of Allah, We shall bestow on him a vast reward.
135 O ye who believe! Be ye staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of) a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer unto both (them ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse (from truth) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
161 And of their taking usury when they were forbidden it, and of their devouring people's wealth by false pretences, We have prepared for those of them who disbelieve a painful doom.
171 O People of the Book! Do not be fanatical in your faith nor utter aught concerning Allah save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a messenger of Allah, and His word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers, and say not "Three" - Cease! (it is) better for you! - Allah is only One God. Far is it removed from His Transcendent Majesty that He should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And Allah is sufficient as Defender.
Surah 5
8 O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm for Allah , witnesses in justice, and do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do.
32 For that cause We decreed for the Children of Israel that whosoever killeth a human being for other than manslaughter or corruption in the earth, it shall be as if he had killed all mankind, and whoso saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind. Our messengers came unto them of old with clear proofs (of Allah's Sovereignty), but afterwards lo! many of them became prodigals in the earth.
89 Allah will not take you to task for that which is unintentional in your oaths, but He will take you to task for the oaths which ye swear in earnest. The expiation thereof is the feeding of ten of the needy with the average of that wherewith ye feed your own folk, or the clothing of them, or the liberation of a slave, and for him who findeth not (the wherewithal to do so) then a three days' fast. This is the expiation of your oaths when ye have sworn; and keep your oaths. Thus Allah expoundeth unto you His revelations in order that ye may give thanks.
Surah 6
151 Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord hath made a sacred duty for you: That ye ascribe no thing as partner unto Him and that you do good to parents, and that you slay not your children because of poverty - We provide for you and for them - And do not approach immoralities, whether open or concealed. And do not kill the life which Allah hath made sacred, save in the course of justice. This He hath command you, in order that ye may discern.
152 And approach not the wealth of the orphan save with that which is better, till he reach maturity. Give full measure and full weight, in justice. We task not any soul beyond its scope. And if you give your word, do justice thereunto, even though it be (against) a kinsman; and fulfil the covenant of Allah. This He commandeth you that haply ye may remember.
Surah 7
156 And ordain for us in this world that which is good, and in the Hereafter (that which is good), Lo! We have turned unto Thee. He said: I smite with My punishment whom I will, and My mercy embraceth all things, therefore I shall ordain it for those who ward off (evil) and pay the poor-due, and those who believe Our revelations;
199 Keep to forgiveness (O Muhammad), and enjoin kindness, and turn away from the ignorant.
Surah 8
61 And if they incline to peace, incline thou also to it, and trust in Allah. Lo! He, even He, is the Hearer, the Knower.
Surah 9
60 The alms are only for the poor and the needy, and those who collect them, and those whose hearts are to be reconciled, and to free the captives and the debtors, and for the cause of Allah, and (for) the wayfarer; a duty imposed by Allah. Allah is Knower, Wise.
71 And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.
Surah 11
85 O my people! Give full measure and full weight in justice, and wrong not people in respect of their goods. And do not evil in the earth, causing corruption.
Surah 16
90 Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.
Surah 17
23 Thy Lord hath decreed,
26 Give the kinsman his due, and the needy, and the wayfarer, and squander not (thy wealth) in wantonness.
31 Slay not your children, fearing a fall to poverty, We shall provide for them and for you. Lo! the slaying of them is great sin.
34 Come not near the wealth of the orphan, save with that which is better till he come to strength; and keep the covenant. Lo! of the covenant it will be asked.
36 (O man), follow not that whereof thou hast no knowledge. Lo! the hearing and the sight and the heart - of each of these it will be asked.
Surah 22
28 That they may witness things that are of benefit to them, and mention the name of Allah on appointed days over the beast of cattle that He hath bestowed upon them. Then eat thereof and feed therewith the poor unfortunate.
30 That (is the command). And whoso magnifieth the sacred things of Allah, it will be well for him in the sight of his Lord. The cattle are lawful unto you save that which hath been told you. So shun the filth of idols, and shun lying speech,
41 Those who, if We give them power in the land, establish worship and pay the poor-due and enjoin kindness and forbid iniquity. And Allah's is the sequel of events.
Surah 23
96 Repel evil with that which is better. We are Best Aware of that which they allege.
Surah 24
37 Men whom neither merchandise nor sale beguileth from remembrance of Allah and constancy in prayer and paying to the poor their due; who fear a day when hearts and eyeballs will be overturned;
Surah 28
54 These will be given their reward twice over, because they are steadfast and repel evil with good, and spend of that wherewith We have provided them,
Surah 29
8 We have enjoined on man kindness to parents; but if they strive to make thee join with Me that of which thou hast no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what ye used to do.
Surah 30
21 And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.
38 So give to the kinsman his due, and to the needy, and to the wayfarer. That is best for those who seek Allah's Countenance. And such are they who are successful.
17 O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, (all) that is of the matters (requiring) determination. 18 And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly. Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful. 19 And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of an ass.
Surah 33
70 O ye who believe! Guard your duty to Allah, and speak words straight to the point;
Surah 41
34 And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel (evil) by that (deed) which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity (will become) as though he was a devoted friend.
Surah 42
23 This it is which Allah announces unto His bondmen who believe and do good works. Say (O Muhammad, unto mankind): I do not ask you for this message any payment (but) only good will through kinship. And whoever commits a good deed - We will increase for him good therein. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Appreciative.
42 The way (of blame) is only against those who oppress mankind, and wrongfully rebel in the earth. For such there is a painful doom.
Surah 46
15 And We have commended unto man kindness toward parents. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning (period) is thirty months, till, when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims.".
Surah 49
11 O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule (another) people; perhaps they may be better than them;
12 O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other.
Surah 53
28 And they have no knowledge thereof. They follow but a guess, and lo! a guess can never take the place of the truth.
Surah 83
1 Woe unto the defrauders 2 Those who when they take the measure from mankind demand it full, 3 But if they measure unto them or weight for them, they cause them loss.
Surah 90
12 Ah, what will convey unto thee what the Ascent is! 13 (It is) to free a slave, 14 And to feed in the day of hunger, 15 An orphan near of kin, 16 Or some poor wretch in misery, 17 And to be of those who believe and exhort one another to perseverance and exhort one another to pity.
12 Ah, what will convey unto thee what the Ascent is! 13 (It is) to free a slave, 14 And to feed in the day of hunger, 15 An orphan near of kin, 16 Or some poor wretch in misery, 17 And to be of those who believe and exhort one another to perseverance and exhort one another to pity.
Surah 93
9 Therefore the orphan oppress not, 10 Therefore the beggar drive not away,
9 Therefore the orphan oppress not, 10 Therefore the beggar drive not away,
Surah 98
5 And they are ordered naught else than to serve Allah, keeping religion pure for Him, as men by nature upright, and to establish worship and to pay the poor-due. That is true religion.
Surah 109
1 Say, "O disbelievers, 2 I do not worship what you worship. 3 Nor are you worshippers of what I worship. 4 Nor will I be a worshipper of what you worship. 5 Nor will you be worshippers of what I worship. 6 For you is your religion, and for me is my religion."
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The Quran. Just the Good Stuff Translation. (K) 2015, All Rights Reversed.
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Now, lets compare the JGST with the original Quran, as we did with the Bible. We began with a complete Queran containing 114 Surahs, containing a total of 6,236 Verses.
From this, we have kept only 82 verses in total, from only 28 Surahs. That is less than 1.32% of the entire Quran.
From this, we have kept only 82 verses in total, from only 28 Surahs. That is less than 1.32% of the entire Quran.
By comparison, in the Bible (JGST) we kept only 348 of the original of 31,273 verses, or less than 1.12% of the entire Bible.
[As an aside: Given how so many Christians like to spout off about how the Quran is "page after page of convert or die (which it is), it's actually somewhat surprising to me to note that - verse for verse - the Quran is actually slightly more moral than the Bible. Now, considering that both books are less than 1.5% good moral teaching, I would strongly advise against any Muslim readers getting on a high horse that the Quran is more moral than the Bible, but the fact remains that the Bible is actually a little bit worse.]
To put it another way, one can strip away more than 98.68% of the entire Quran and yet retain every good moral teaching. That means that 98.68% of the Quran is either falsehood, immorality, mythology, or completely irrelevant material that should not have been included in the first place. If Islam is going to teach that such a book is the word of Allah, then we had ought to conclude that Allah is also a deceitful, immoral, irrelevant myth.
Bearing all of this in mind, if you absolutely insist on being a Muslim, give the JGST a shot. It will save you so much time, effort, and cognitive dissonance, if you just opt to only believe in the good stuff.
[As an aside: Given how so many Christians like to spout off about how the Quran is "page after page of convert or die (which it is), it's actually somewhat surprising to me to note that - verse for verse - the Quran is actually slightly more moral than the Bible. Now, considering that both books are less than 1.5% good moral teaching, I would strongly advise against any Muslim readers getting on a high horse that the Quran is more moral than the Bible, but the fact remains that the Bible is actually a little bit worse.]
To put it another way, one can strip away more than 98.68% of the entire Quran and yet retain every good moral teaching. That means that 98.68% of the Quran is either falsehood, immorality, mythology, or completely irrelevant material that should not have been included in the first place. If Islam is going to teach that such a book is the word of Allah, then we had ought to conclude that Allah is also a deceitful, immoral, irrelevant myth.
Bearing all of this in mind, if you absolutely insist on being a Muslim, give the JGST a shot. It will save you so much time, effort, and cognitive dissonance, if you just opt to only believe in the good stuff.
[Notes: There are many verses that include the command to "establish worship and pay the poor-due". Since other versions translate "pay the poor-due" as a command to give a certain offering at the mosque. In the end I kept about half of the instances of this phrase that I saw. That said, as with the Bible: JGST, if you find a verse that expresses a good thing that I haven't included, let me know. Seriously, there's over 6,000 of them, I'm bound to have missed one.]
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